This article is reprinted from Challenges

ON BEING A GOOD GIRL
by ELLEN M.

I was brought up to be a good girl. Brought up to practice the virtues of
politeness, restraint,

moderation. Brought up never to draw attention to myself--no grandiose
outburst, no vanity of

self, no need of self regard. I was brought up to understand I deserved all
the pain I received.

Good girls need to get used to pain so they can adjust to it early in life. I
was brought up to

ignore the humiliation of being beaten in the nude in front of others.
Good girls have to let go of

pride. I was brought up to pretend the growling in my stomach would stop.
Good girls never get

hungry or thirsty. I was brought up to be a sex tool for older male
relatives, or friends of the

family. Good girls need to know their bodies don’t belong to them.

I was brought up to be of service to others. Good girls need to make sure
everyone is “OK.”

I was brought up to be loyal. Good girls never tell anyone the score. I was
brought up to be

thrifty. Good girls never need hot water for baths, clothing, bedding, or
even shoes. Gosh, good

girls don’t really need much of anything. I was brought up not to make a
fuss.

Good girls don’t need kindness. I was brought up never to question
authority. Good girls are

always obedient. I was brought up to know how to be female. Good girls
always let boys go first,

let boys win, let boys be boys. I was brought up to know I caused people to
hurt me. Good girls make

people vulnerable to their dark sides. I was brought up to avoid mirrors.
Good girls can’t look at

themselves (the reflection would make both the girl and the mirror crack).

I was brought up to hate myself--my mind, my body, my emotions, my spirit.
Good girls are

garbage. I was brought up to be sneaky. When no one was looking, I
found out that some good girls

have another side. A side tucked deep inside the recesses of their hearts.

I learned from my sneaky side that:

After the rain, there is a rainbow. Hunger stops after a bagel and cream
cheese.

I can take a hot shower whenever I feel like it. Older, abusive people stink
and eventually die.

Sex can be gentle and soft and full of love. Asking questions is a sign of
intelligence.

Sometimes boys wish girls would be assertive. Pretty clothes feel great
against my skin.

Being a good girl was the pits.

Ellen M. first appeared in "Recovery Voice", Fall 1966. published quarterly. PO Box 652, Bristol, RI 02809

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