• Remind yourself that just two minutes ago you were madly, wildly in love with this creep. And since you are a good person with good judgment, you wouldn’t be the type to marry a creep; therefore, s/he is not a creep.
• The above does not hold true if the spouse has been abusive. That automatically makes the spouse a certifiable creep and divorce an honorable (and wise) exit.
• Simultaneously remind yourself that you do not have to go to every fight you’re invited to.
• Regarding the confrontation, ask yourself, “How important is it?” If life and limb are at stake, then that is important. If winning a power trip is the trophy, since when were you elevated to Supreme Being? Only “needy” people pursue power trips.
• Ah, now we’re getting into the important introspective stuff. This requires honesty that transcends anything you’ve ever practiced before. This is the kind of stuff that old bugaboo called Ego insists upon interrupting and exacerbating and even sabotaging. So:
• Get out of your own way! Pride is such a stupid characteristic to protect. Who wants to hold hands and cuddle with pride?

• Determine priorities. Is there too much going on in your life? Not enough? At all times, are you putting The Marriage first? It does take on a life of its own. Marriage is definitely more than a word but it’s only a sentence if one is feeling trapped. And if that’s the case, then what kind of games are being played--control? manipulation?
• Be wary of friends and their advice. Remember, they could have a hidden agenda. Their marriage might be on tenterhooks and so they are going to experience a divorce vicariously through you. She might have designs on your husband; he might have the hots for your wife. You never know!
• Do not give a damn about what others think. This isn’t their life, it’s yours. Honoring your mate’s feelings (including fear), having compassion for your mate’s confusion or depression, trying to understand where your mate is coming from--be a supportive mate while maintaining your own individuality; love yourself enough to love your significant other.
• Be aware of your own flaws and idiosyncrasies that could drive your spouse nuts. What gives us permission to think it’s okay for us to be less than perfect but not our spouse? Transform seeing their imperfections as burdens into endearments.
• Return to the question, “How important is it--” and add on “to the well-being of this marriage?” Have we ever heard about anyone who on his deathbed said he wished he’d spent more time (a) at the office, (b) watching football, (c) tinkering with the car? Or heard her lament with her dying breath that she wished she had spent more time (a) cleaning the house, (b) talking on the phone, (c) bargain shopping?

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