Since that unrecorded time when human beings began having relationships, and long before highway crews leaned on shovels beyond the “Men At Work” signs, there have been people throwing up roadblocks to prevent happiness from ruining their misery.

These whiners and piners, these blamers and disclaimers, may have earned the distinction of being ranked among the most adept of all manipulators and controllers.

They are the ones who remain in relationships where abuse ranges from yelling and slammed doors (intimidation, fear), pushing and shoving (control, fear), verbal harangues and name-calling (sending self-esteem down the toilet) to punches, kicks, visits to E.R. and calls to 911 (lacerations, bruises, broken bones, lots of fear).

How about the folks who are enduring less blatant abuse that springs from the imagination of their significant other--silent treatment, sleeping through meals, socializing with friends outside the home, ready to help anyone else move, tear up a floor, paint a house, and usually too tired to rinse the family’s dishes?

There’s the so-called mate who wields the power of a dictator: only certain foods are to be served, specific types of clothing worn, and by the way, here’s a list of topics that are not to be mentioned...fortunately, talking about the weather is still safe--maybe.

There’s the guessing game surrounding an invitation to attend a social event--will they go? The torment begins with the nonsocial half of the relationship saying, “I am not going to this thing!” Or it begins with, “I’m not sure. Check with me later.” (Never mind there’s an RSVP and a requested date for a yea or nay response.) There’s the conditional acceptance, “I’ll go if you promise me you’ll not flirt.” The real kicker occurs the day of the event, maybe within minutes of walking out the door (in appropriate attire, of course), “I’ve decided not to go. You go ahead without me. I’ll be fine here all by myself. You go ahead. Make my excuses. Say I have the flu,” and the someone who re-enters the house has an invisible smile of triumph while the other stands with mouth open, not knowing what to do.

Change is not made without inconvenience, even from worse to better. Quoted by Johnson, as from Hooker, in the Preface to the English Dictionary. (RICHARD HOOKER 1554?-1600)

One of these days, someone will get smart and say something like, “Sorry you don’t feel like going. I’ll see you when I get home,” and off to the dinner party will go.

“My life is so miserable,” is a common chant among those who can recite a zillion reasons for getting out of a relationship but not one for staying and yet, they stay. And gripe. They may even phone at odd hours--in tears, desperate. Finally, after years of sympathetic listening, even throwing in some suggestions, the griper has made no changes and evidently is going to drift along until the cows come home. The listener recognizes that this is evidently one of those people making a career out of playing off other people’s sympathy. Sayonara!

How heartwarming it is to see people growing strong before your eyes! Truly a strong person is so much more attractive and enjoyable to be with than a simpy-wimpy-pooh.

And how does someone move from a place of weakness into a place of strength?

By moving.

By adopting a pro-active attitude within ourselves, we can propel ourselves forward.

Some may be inspired by the simplicity of, “Act as if.” The theory is that even if we know we are not comfortable with, say, getting up to speak to a group if we pretend we are, somehow we get through it with far better results than if we keep peppering ourselves with such negative self-talk as, “I’m no good at this!”

People who truly want to feel better about themselves become motivated to change their way of living for the better. They find better jobs. That may mean accepting a job that is not exactly “right” but which can be a stepping stone to something closer to a lofty goal. It may mean earning less money initially. But by learning the ropes, they put themselves into a climbing position.

As for remaining in a relationship that is not good for you, and you’re still there? What are you--nuts?